It has been awhile since I posted something. I keep wanting to keep up with the post but things like XBOX 360, ropes course trainings, etc, etc.
As I sit here next to my sweetie, Finnigan, and watching football, I realize that I have lots going on in my head.
I think I would like to write a children's book. The book would be about a turtle, my favorite animal, that tries to accomplish a goal when everything seems to be against him.
I am thinking about a change in jobs. Maybe something not in my field would be pretty good for awhile.
I really want to be a father. Things are not happen the way I would have hoped but I am not ready to give up.
I am planning on going to Atlanta for Thanksgiving although I am a little nervous about it.
There is a lot I have to get done around the house and I don't know if it will get done.
I possibly have a new boss that either he does not know about or I am not suppose to know about.
That's about it.
I am hoping for a great week, or at least a decent week. Some time off would be good.
Peace.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Reposting of Previous Post
I took down a post that talked about my excitement of being a father. Since we loss that child, I took down the post. My sweetie asked me to re-post it because it is about our journey.
Here it is.
Winds of Change by Doug
It has been awhile since I have updated my blog. I wanted to write that a lot has happened since I last wrote. In fact, very little has happen but that little is really big.
I found out that I am going to be a father. The feelings I had at the time were strange. I thought that I was suppose to jump up and down screaming, "Way to go boys! You did it!" I was so many things all at once it is hard to describe.
Being a father is something I always wanted and knew I would become some day. I never knew the date, time, year, century. Apparently, it start March 29, 2009. Who would have guessed that we would have a black president, camp would close its doors, and I would be a father. Two positives are pretty good.
Here is the deal: It scares me silly to think that I am going to be a father. My own father is nothing to really write about in this blog at this point. Let's just say that I appreciate his involvment in bringing me into this world. My one and only goal is to be the best possible father to this child. "Sprout" is in for a wild and crazy ride. I am sure that any man out there that has ever thought about be a father will want to be the best father. In reality, I want our child to look at me and say, "You done good Dad." Wow. "Dad." It is weird to write.
Big Daddy Doug.
Papa D.
The thought of someone looking at me like my Sweetie does makes my leg weak. There are a lot of changes coming down the road. There are things I need to change about myself, not because of the new addition to the family. I don't want to hang my decisions on that. It does influence my changes but it is not the reason. The reason is that it has be a long time coming.
Oh. The personal statement is just about finished and I want to send it off soon along with the rest of the application. I am leaning toward maybe a spring start. We will see. Thank you for reading and helping with the editing.
Peace and Love to my Sweetie and Sprout
Here it is.
Winds of Change by Doug
It has been awhile since I have updated my blog. I wanted to write that a lot has happened since I last wrote. In fact, very little has happen but that little is really big.
I found out that I am going to be a father. The feelings I had at the time were strange. I thought that I was suppose to jump up and down screaming, "Way to go boys! You did it!" I was so many things all at once it is hard to describe.
Being a father is something I always wanted and knew I would become some day. I never knew the date, time, year, century. Apparently, it start March 29, 2009. Who would have guessed that we would have a black president, camp would close its doors, and I would be a father. Two positives are pretty good.
Here is the deal: It scares me silly to think that I am going to be a father. My own father is nothing to really write about in this blog at this point. Let's just say that I appreciate his involvment in bringing me into this world. My one and only goal is to be the best possible father to this child. "Sprout" is in for a wild and crazy ride. I am sure that any man out there that has ever thought about be a father will want to be the best father. In reality, I want our child to look at me and say, "You done good Dad." Wow. "Dad." It is weird to write.
Big Daddy Doug.
Papa D.
The thought of someone looking at me like my Sweetie does makes my leg weak. There are a lot of changes coming down the road. There are things I need to change about myself, not because of the new addition to the family. I don't want to hang my decisions on that. It does influence my changes but it is not the reason. The reason is that it has be a long time coming.
Oh. The personal statement is just about finished and I want to send it off soon along with the rest of the application. I am leaning toward maybe a spring start. We will see. Thank you for reading and helping with the editing.
Peace and Love to my Sweetie and Sprout
Of Loss and Determination
It has been awhile since I posted anything. Since my last post much has happened. Here it goes.
Unfortunately, we lost our "sprout." We have tried for over a year. I understand others have tried for a long time. Much longer than one year. I was really excited about having a child. I am still excited about having a child.
I feel like should write down my feelings on losing a child.
It was hard. Not the kind of hard that is struggling to complete something or working to achieve a goal. It was a true sense of loss. The image of having something living in a person that will someday walk and talk was both amazing and frightening at the same time. I saw the little heart beating. I wanted to see more. I wanted to watch my sweetie's stomach grow. I wanted to be a father.
The day we found out was horrible. I felt saddened for my sweetie. Actually, saddened is too soft of a word. The actual emotion can not be written or really expressed. We wanted this so much. I told almost everyone I knew. You are not supposed to tell people until after the first trimester but it was exciting. My first child. I wanted to shared and express my excitement.
After about a week or so, I had to move move on. Focus on the future. Try again. Of course, the "what ifs" popped up. What if this happens again? What if this is not meant to happen? What if we are too late? The answer came to me quickly and without hesitation, "TRY AGAIN!"
It has been about 3 weeks since we found out about our loss. I will miss Sprout. I will always remember the heart beat. I will always remember the look on my sweetie's face when we found out. We will be there again.
Unfortunately, we lost our "sprout." We have tried for over a year. I understand others have tried for a long time. Much longer than one year. I was really excited about having a child. I am still excited about having a child.
I feel like should write down my feelings on losing a child.
It was hard. Not the kind of hard that is struggling to complete something or working to achieve a goal. It was a true sense of loss. The image of having something living in a person that will someday walk and talk was both amazing and frightening at the same time. I saw the little heart beating. I wanted to see more. I wanted to watch my sweetie's stomach grow. I wanted to be a father.
The day we found out was horrible. I felt saddened for my sweetie. Actually, saddened is too soft of a word. The actual emotion can not be written or really expressed. We wanted this so much. I told almost everyone I knew. You are not supposed to tell people until after the first trimester but it was exciting. My first child. I wanted to shared and express my excitement.
After about a week or so, I had to move move on. Focus on the future. Try again. Of course, the "what ifs" popped up. What if this happens again? What if this is not meant to happen? What if we are too late? The answer came to me quickly and without hesitation, "TRY AGAIN!"
It has been about 3 weeks since we found out about our loss. I will miss Sprout. I will always remember the heart beat. I will always remember the look on my sweetie's face when we found out. We will be there again.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Stepping into the Unknown
I have decided to attempt a return to school I am applying to Antioch Grad School. I have not decided on MEd with Elementary Certification or MS in Organization and Management. One direction has more clear cut career opportunities and the other hopes a little more interest.
Anyway, I have to write a personal statement. I have decided to put that statement on my blog for those to read. If you do read it, I welcome you comments. You could even tell me that it is the worst you have ever read. I like honesty. Besides, I am not planning on being a writer.
This is somewhat long.
The question is:
What have been your most significant learning experiences? Please provide some examples.
What is your learning style, and how do you go about solving problems?
Why are you considering coming to Antioch University New England at this time in your life? What do you hope to get from the experience professionally and personally? What do you have to contribute to Antioch New England and your field?
Prior to my sophomore year in high school, I signed up for an environmental leadership program called ECO-ACT. The program, funded by the Desegregation Program of St. Louis, brought together high school students from city schools, predominately black, and county schools, predominately white. We participated in a 3 week summer training and school year of teaching 3rd-5th graders ecology lessons.
During the summer training, we went on a 4 day – 3 night canoe trip on the Meramec River. This was my first camping trip. I was expecting many first experiences on this trip, such as sleeping in a tent, cooking on camp stoves, and living out of a plastic bag. The life changing moment happened on my first time going to the bathroom in the woods. It was an experience that I will never forget. Without too many details, I was prepared to walk into the unknown after getting appropriate directions and supplies.
I walk the required 100 feet into the woods away from the river and then I get down to business. As I am completing the process, I look up and realize that I am not alone. A deer is standing about 20 feet away from me. I get confused on the details, as far as male or female, antlers or no antlers. Our eyes meet and I freeze. It seems like an eternity but for probably 3 seconds we stare at each other. I have never been this close to a deer ever. I am amazed, captivated, and mesmerized. There I am in the woods, with my pants down, staring at a deer about twenty feet from me. Pretty soon, embarrassment sets in. I pull my pants up quickly and the deer becomes startled and runs off into the woods. Afterwards, I saw the woods, the river, and the environment in a whole new light. It was an amazing place full of wonder, surprises, and sometimes embarrassing moments.
After graduating from college, I became the Instructor for the ECO-ACT Program. During that time, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. Graves Disease is basically a hyperactive thyroid. Prior to this diagnosis, my relationship with my father was pretty nonexistent. After finding out about Graves Disease, I told my mother who then called my father’s mother. My mother got in touch with my father because, as it turns out, he also had Graves Disease. While all of this is going on, I was a part of a theater group. About a week before our first show, I was doing laundry at my grandparents’ house when my father walks down the stairs. We exchanged greetings and then he got to the point of his unexpected visit. He said, “I didn’t cause this to happen to you.” I was a little shocked by that statement. Graves Disease is hereditary but I told him that I didn’t blame him for disease. He went on to say that he would like to get together soon to catch up. I thought about this request for a minute and said that it would be fine to do so. However, I knew I would not be the one making plans. If he wanted to meet with me, he had to make the first move. As a child, my father would make plans to be with me and I would get all excited but he never showed up. He stated that he wanted to be around more. So, I told him about the play I was in. He said that he would come. I was excited against my better judgment at the possibility of my father coming back into my life. He missed the first weekend because he got lost and could not find the theater. He never showed up for the second weekend and I never heard from him again. What did I learn? I need to express my concerns and make the best possible choices for myself. I felt like he made his choice and so have I.
For 6 years as ECO-ACT Instructor, I learned interview skills, group management, teaching techniques, and program development. In January of 1999, I felt that it was time for a change. I decided to head east. New Hampshire was not my first choice but it wasn’t my last choice either. I wanted to work more directly with children so I became a summer camp counselor. This move would cause a big change in lifestyle, a huge pay cut, no health benefits, and an introduction to community living. After about 1 ½ weeks of training, I was put into a cabin with 8 boys. I was nervous, excited, and confident in my abilities. About three days into being a camp counselor with campers, I had a very insightful conversation with my boys. They asked me, “What is it like to be black?” Here I am the only black person at a summer camp in a room with 8 young white boys. To answer to this question was important to me. Unfortunately, I cannot remember exactly what I said although I do remember the conversation sparked by the question. We talked about discrimination – discrimination skateboarders in stores and someone may not be able to something because of their age. We proceed to talk about life at camp and future goals. It was amazing. They had a question. They asked the question. I hope they took something away from the conversation because I sure did.
These experiences were only the spark to future realizations in my life. I learned to look at knowledge through my own eyes. My learning style began to develop as a seeker of information that I was interested in, that I wanted, and that I could use. I wanted to learn something new, of which there is a lot. I wanted to be a part of the process of my learning. I wanted to know that I had a choice in my learning. In college, I took a whole class on Paradise Lost by John Milton. This epic poem contained so much obvious and hidden information that I was simply fascinated. The information gathered during class floored me just about every time we met. The multiple ways that people looked at a single passage and got different information was great, and sometimes frustrating.
As a Camp Director, I deal with problems on a daily basis. Many problems can have simple answers. “Yes, you have to hangout out with the campers.” “Drink some water if you have a headache.” For bigger problems, I happen to enjoy meeting with those involved, talking to my peers, and getting advice from my supervisor. It is important to have as much information possible to make the best decision you can especially if it will affect other people. Everyone should be on the same page or at least know the page number. Of course, there are times you just need to make the call with the information you have at the time.
I am considering Antioch University New England now because I feel that I am ready. I enjoy hearing different viewpoints and trying new concepts. Also, I found out that my place of employment is closing. The closing of my place of employment allows me the time and energy to change careers and learn something new. I am hoping to gain a degree and certification in a field that will allow me to do what I have wanted to do, work with children. This program will satisfy my personal and professional goals by allowing me to not be confined by four walls and a ceiling. It will allow me to share my knowledge, expand my viewpoints, and experience new thoughts. In the end, it will give me a choice.
I believe that I could provide Antioch and my field with a desire to keep learning and seeking out new ways of doing things. In college, I studied post-modernism. One idea of post-modernism is that there is nothing new only different versions of the old to make look new. I can accept that as long as we, as humans, continue to create and try something. Antioch would have a new voice in class bringing up different viewpoints and asking questions. Antioch and my field would have someone that is willing to try some new ideas or thoughts. I believe that Antioch has a unique delivery of knowledge that fits my current learning process.
Anyway, I have to write a personal statement. I have decided to put that statement on my blog for those to read. If you do read it, I welcome you comments. You could even tell me that it is the worst you have ever read. I like honesty. Besides, I am not planning on being a writer.
This is somewhat long.
The question is:
What have been your most significant learning experiences? Please provide some examples.
What is your learning style, and how do you go about solving problems?
Why are you considering coming to Antioch University New England at this time in your life? What do you hope to get from the experience professionally and personally? What do you have to contribute to Antioch New England and your field?
Personal Statement
As a 37 year old African American living in New Hampshire and working at a summer camp, I am often asked and I wonder, “How did I get here?” Originally from St. Louis, Missouri, I wandered willingly into a landscape that was somewhat foreign to me. I soon realized that many different experiences in my life have led me down this road. I wanted to work directly with children. I wanted to illustrate that everything we do is based on choice. I wanted to hear other peoples’ stories. As a younger man, the military was calling my name. It was the unwritten and unspoken assumption in my family. I then made a choice. I took a road never travelled by my family. Prior to my sophomore year in high school, I signed up for an environmental leadership program called ECO-ACT. The program, funded by the Desegregation Program of St. Louis, brought together high school students from city schools, predominately black, and county schools, predominately white. We participated in a 3 week summer training and school year of teaching 3rd-5th graders ecology lessons.
During the summer training, we went on a 4 day – 3 night canoe trip on the Meramec River. This was my first camping trip. I was expecting many first experiences on this trip, such as sleeping in a tent, cooking on camp stoves, and living out of a plastic bag. The life changing moment happened on my first time going to the bathroom in the woods. It was an experience that I will never forget. Without too many details, I was prepared to walk into the unknown after getting appropriate directions and supplies.
I walk the required 100 feet into the woods away from the river and then I get down to business. As I am completing the process, I look up and realize that I am not alone. A deer is standing about 20 feet away from me. I get confused on the details, as far as male or female, antlers or no antlers. Our eyes meet and I freeze. It seems like an eternity but for probably 3 seconds we stare at each other. I have never been this close to a deer ever. I am amazed, captivated, and mesmerized. There I am in the woods, with my pants down, staring at a deer about twenty feet from me. Pretty soon, embarrassment sets in. I pull my pants up quickly and the deer becomes startled and runs off into the woods. Afterwards, I saw the woods, the river, and the environment in a whole new light. It was an amazing place full of wonder, surprises, and sometimes embarrassing moments.
After graduating from college, I became the Instructor for the ECO-ACT Program. During that time, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. Graves Disease is basically a hyperactive thyroid. Prior to this diagnosis, my relationship with my father was pretty nonexistent. After finding out about Graves Disease, I told my mother who then called my father’s mother. My mother got in touch with my father because, as it turns out, he also had Graves Disease. While all of this is going on, I was a part of a theater group. About a week before our first show, I was doing laundry at my grandparents’ house when my father walks down the stairs. We exchanged greetings and then he got to the point of his unexpected visit. He said, “I didn’t cause this to happen to you.” I was a little shocked by that statement. Graves Disease is hereditary but I told him that I didn’t blame him for disease. He went on to say that he would like to get together soon to catch up. I thought about this request for a minute and said that it would be fine to do so. However, I knew I would not be the one making plans. If he wanted to meet with me, he had to make the first move. As a child, my father would make plans to be with me and I would get all excited but he never showed up. He stated that he wanted to be around more. So, I told him about the play I was in. He said that he would come. I was excited against my better judgment at the possibility of my father coming back into my life. He missed the first weekend because he got lost and could not find the theater. He never showed up for the second weekend and I never heard from him again. What did I learn? I need to express my concerns and make the best possible choices for myself. I felt like he made his choice and so have I.
For 6 years as ECO-ACT Instructor, I learned interview skills, group management, teaching techniques, and program development. In January of 1999, I felt that it was time for a change. I decided to head east. New Hampshire was not my first choice but it wasn’t my last choice either. I wanted to work more directly with children so I became a summer camp counselor. This move would cause a big change in lifestyle, a huge pay cut, no health benefits, and an introduction to community living. After about 1 ½ weeks of training, I was put into a cabin with 8 boys. I was nervous, excited, and confident in my abilities. About three days into being a camp counselor with campers, I had a very insightful conversation with my boys. They asked me, “What is it like to be black?” Here I am the only black person at a summer camp in a room with 8 young white boys. To answer to this question was important to me. Unfortunately, I cannot remember exactly what I said although I do remember the conversation sparked by the question. We talked about discrimination – discrimination skateboarders in stores and someone may not be able to something because of their age. We proceed to talk about life at camp and future goals. It was amazing. They had a question. They asked the question. I hope they took something away from the conversation because I sure did.
These experiences were only the spark to future realizations in my life. I learned to look at knowledge through my own eyes. My learning style began to develop as a seeker of information that I was interested in, that I wanted, and that I could use. I wanted to learn something new, of which there is a lot. I wanted to be a part of the process of my learning. I wanted to know that I had a choice in my learning. In college, I took a whole class on Paradise Lost by John Milton. This epic poem contained so much obvious and hidden information that I was simply fascinated. The information gathered during class floored me just about every time we met. The multiple ways that people looked at a single passage and got different information was great, and sometimes frustrating.
As a Camp Director, I deal with problems on a daily basis. Many problems can have simple answers. “Yes, you have to hangout out with the campers.” “Drink some water if you have a headache.” For bigger problems, I happen to enjoy meeting with those involved, talking to my peers, and getting advice from my supervisor. It is important to have as much information possible to make the best decision you can especially if it will affect other people. Everyone should be on the same page or at least know the page number. Of course, there are times you just need to make the call with the information you have at the time.
I am considering Antioch University New England now because I feel that I am ready. I enjoy hearing different viewpoints and trying new concepts. Also, I found out that my place of employment is closing. The closing of my place of employment allows me the time and energy to change careers and learn something new. I am hoping to gain a degree and certification in a field that will allow me to do what I have wanted to do, work with children. This program will satisfy my personal and professional goals by allowing me to not be confined by four walls and a ceiling. It will allow me to share my knowledge, expand my viewpoints, and experience new thoughts. In the end, it will give me a choice.
I believe that I could provide Antioch and my field with a desire to keep learning and seeking out new ways of doing things. In college, I studied post-modernism. One idea of post-modernism is that there is nothing new only different versions of the old to make look new. I can accept that as long as we, as humans, continue to create and try something. Antioch would have a new voice in class bringing up different viewpoints and asking questions. Antioch and my field would have someone that is willing to try some new ideas or thoughts. I believe that Antioch has a unique delivery of knowledge that fits my current learning process.
Friday, February 27, 2009
First of Lasts
The end of this week starts the first of many last. I finished up Vacation Day Camp today. I wasn't very involved with the camp this week. I used the time to get caught up on interviews and staff hiring.
If I could give advice to all the young teenagers out their about interview skills, it would be: SPEAK NORMAL.
It is almost painful talking to teenagers on the phone. I can only hope that they do talk like that with each other. I am not a big phone person. I prefer face to face conversations as much as possible. When hiring staff, LITs, and CITs, it has to be a phone interview.
Today I interviewed a young man that was pretty animated and with some less than stellar answers to questions. According to him, he is already a leader and he just wants others to look at him as if he were a leader. In some ways he is a perfect candidate for the program. In other ways, it may not be a good idea. He sounded bored and I am sure he stopped listening after awhile. I am not saying that I am the best interviewer in the world but at least have a conversation, small talk, or something. If we were staying open I would look for possible LITs and CITs during summer and actively seek them out for next summer. I have worked with some of the campers and I know that they are anything but boring.
Moving on...
I find that I haven't been asking myself:
"What was good today?"
"What made you smile today?"
I find that everyday working with kids you will walk away with a smile. The smile could be because they just said the funniest thing ever. More often than not, it is because you just walked away with a really good story to tell other. The latter usually takes longer and at the time is not the most fun to be had by anyone. I like both. Both cases reminded me that working with kids is fun on so many levels.
My Sweetie was away for awhile. I am really glad she is home.
Peace
If I could give advice to all the young teenagers out their about interview skills, it would be: SPEAK NORMAL.
It is almost painful talking to teenagers on the phone. I can only hope that they do talk like that with each other. I am not a big phone person. I prefer face to face conversations as much as possible. When hiring staff, LITs, and CITs, it has to be a phone interview.
Today I interviewed a young man that was pretty animated and with some less than stellar answers to questions. According to him, he is already a leader and he just wants others to look at him as if he were a leader. In some ways he is a perfect candidate for the program. In other ways, it may not be a good idea. He sounded bored and I am sure he stopped listening after awhile. I am not saying that I am the best interviewer in the world but at least have a conversation, small talk, or something. If we were staying open I would look for possible LITs and CITs during summer and actively seek them out for next summer. I have worked with some of the campers and I know that they are anything but boring.
Moving on...
I find that I haven't been asking myself:
"What was good today?"
"What made you smile today?"
I find that everyday working with kids you will walk away with a smile. The smile could be because they just said the funniest thing ever. More often than not, it is because you just walked away with a really good story to tell other. The latter usually takes longer and at the time is not the most fun to be had by anyone. I like both. Both cases reminded me that working with kids is fun on so many levels.
My Sweetie was away for awhile. I am really glad she is home.
Peace
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Break I Needed
I had the opportunity to go away this weekend with my Sweetie. It was wonderful. I needed to focus on something else even for a little while. We went to Admirals Inn Resort in Ogunquit, ME. It was very nice and a welcome change of pace.
As I sit here and ponder the next steps in my life, I wonder what tomorrow is going to bring. In many ways, I am excited, with the little bit of rest I received, that I could take on anything. I hope that I am not setting myself up. It will be interesting.
I believe that my next big big step will be going back to school. In talking with my Sweetie, she asked me the question:
"What do you want to do?"
I did not feel that I gave a satisfying answer. I am 37 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Is that weird? I never thought that I would be a Camp Director. I don't want to work in a classroom. Although, I do want to work with kids or train people to work with kids. So, returning to school would be the best thing for me right now. Maybe some manual labor type job to pass the time but school should help me define my next steps.
Things To Accomplish:
Start my application process, send out recommendations, and get my self in check. Once I have that going and hopefully accepted in the program, my summer will be relatively stress free. There is the health insurance piece but I will deal with that later.
Focus on making this summer special for myself, the staff, and the campers. It needs to be wonderful like ever other summer prior.
Support my Sweetie in our own personal next steps. I want to be a father and she wants to be a mother. Let's do it the best way we can.
My favorite quote is
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds." Bob Marley
Freeing your mind is the hardest thing to do. I try everyday with some steps forward and some backward. Tomorrow is another day, let's try a forward step.
Blog Note: I tend to type how I talk. There may be typos and other grammar mistakes but I think I will just let it go.
Peace
As I sit here and ponder the next steps in my life, I wonder what tomorrow is going to bring. In many ways, I am excited, with the little bit of rest I received, that I could take on anything. I hope that I am not setting myself up. It will be interesting.
I believe that my next big big step will be going back to school. In talking with my Sweetie, she asked me the question:
"What do you want to do?"
I did not feel that I gave a satisfying answer. I am 37 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Is that weird? I never thought that I would be a Camp Director. I don't want to work in a classroom. Although, I do want to work with kids or train people to work with kids. So, returning to school would be the best thing for me right now. Maybe some manual labor type job to pass the time but school should help me define my next steps.
Things To Accomplish:
Start my application process, send out recommendations, and get my self in check. Once I have that going and hopefully accepted in the program, my summer will be relatively stress free. There is the health insurance piece but I will deal with that later.
Focus on making this summer special for myself, the staff, and the campers. It needs to be wonderful like ever other summer prior.
Support my Sweetie in our own personal next steps. I want to be a father and she wants to be a mother. Let's do it the best way we can.
My favorite quote is
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds." Bob Marley
Freeing your mind is the hardest thing to do. I try everyday with some steps forward and some backward. Tomorrow is another day, let's try a forward step.
Blog Note: I tend to type how I talk. There may be typos and other grammar mistakes but I think I will just let it go.
Peace
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Week of Confusion
This has been somewhat of a stressful week. Not necessarily I am going to pull my hair (I only have one on my head that is long enough to pull) out kind of stress. More like the "I need my brain to take a break" type of stress.
Stressors for Me
1. No job in August. What can I or should I do now? I got invited to a gathering of people by a friend of mine. She was my personal trainer a few years ago and is a friend. She invited me by saying that I was interested in health and nutrition so this may interest me. If you know me, I like health and nutrition as much as the next guy. Although, I believe that there is a lot of good stuff in chocolate chip cookies and large slices of cake. It feeds my soul. Don't even get me going on bacon.
It turned out to be about something called Ideal Health. Ideal Health produces custom made vitamins, energy drink stuff, and weight loss systems. Basically, by purchasing something from my friend I could try it out and tell my friends about it. In the process, I will make money from the purchase that my friends make. I will also make money for the purchase that my friends' friends make. So on and so on and so on. They talked to me about how you are not necessarily selling something but more along the lines of sharing a great find with your friends. In the end, you make a profit and your friends could make a profit. Sounds exciting, right? Maybe? I don't know.
2. Work Work Work. I feel like my boss either ignores me, doesn't trust me, and pays way too much attention to me. When he is ignoring me I can come and go as I please. Although, for some reason he always needs a question answered or something done when I am not around. I believe he trust me with running a program when it is happening. Prior to the program, I think he wants to do the main body of work. Here is the problem I have with this way of thinking. I don't learn anything. If he keeps doing stuff for me or letting me know after the fact that he is doing something or he has already made a decision about something but wants to pretend that I am a part of it, I WILL NEVER LEARN. You may say that maybe he doesn't know and I should tell him. I have. I think we see the future in different directions. My summer is crazy busy. He does not have much time to observe me in my job. A comment on my evaluation is that I am uncomfortable in front of large groups, like staff. I am in front of staff everyday especially during the summer and I happen to enjoy it.
3. Daddy Doug - I never knew that making a baby was this difficult. I have heard and tried to learns lots of new words and terms. Some just go over my head and other stick for about two days. There are a few that stay with me for longer bits of time. I am working on and have a better understanding of what's going on. The female anatomy is confusing.
4. Lastly, I am tired and need some rest.
As the late great Bob Marley sank in "Redemption Song."
"Emanicipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds."
I will free my mind and I know thinking about stuff won't necessarily cause stuff to change. Maybe I should try sleeping to quiet the voices in my head for a little while.
Peace
Stressors for Me
1. No job in August. What can I or should I do now? I got invited to a gathering of people by a friend of mine. She was my personal trainer a few years ago and is a friend. She invited me by saying that I was interested in health and nutrition so this may interest me. If you know me, I like health and nutrition as much as the next guy. Although, I believe that there is a lot of good stuff in chocolate chip cookies and large slices of cake. It feeds my soul. Don't even get me going on bacon.
It turned out to be about something called Ideal Health. Ideal Health produces custom made vitamins, energy drink stuff, and weight loss systems. Basically, by purchasing something from my friend I could try it out and tell my friends about it. In the process, I will make money from the purchase that my friends make. I will also make money for the purchase that my friends' friends make. So on and so on and so on. They talked to me about how you are not necessarily selling something but more along the lines of sharing a great find with your friends. In the end, you make a profit and your friends could make a profit. Sounds exciting, right? Maybe? I don't know.
2. Work Work Work. I feel like my boss either ignores me, doesn't trust me, and pays way too much attention to me. When he is ignoring me I can come and go as I please. Although, for some reason he always needs a question answered or something done when I am not around. I believe he trust me with running a program when it is happening. Prior to the program, I think he wants to do the main body of work. Here is the problem I have with this way of thinking. I don't learn anything. If he keeps doing stuff for me or letting me know after the fact that he is doing something or he has already made a decision about something but wants to pretend that I am a part of it, I WILL NEVER LEARN. You may say that maybe he doesn't know and I should tell him. I have. I think we see the future in different directions. My summer is crazy busy. He does not have much time to observe me in my job. A comment on my evaluation is that I am uncomfortable in front of large groups, like staff. I am in front of staff everyday especially during the summer and I happen to enjoy it.
3. Daddy Doug - I never knew that making a baby was this difficult. I have heard and tried to learns lots of new words and terms. Some just go over my head and other stick for about two days. There are a few that stay with me for longer bits of time. I am working on and have a better understanding of what's going on. The female anatomy is confusing.
4. Lastly, I am tired and need some rest.
As the late great Bob Marley sank in "Redemption Song."
"Emanicipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds."
I will free my mind and I know thinking about stuff won't necessarily cause stuff to change. Maybe I should try sleeping to quiet the voices in my head for a little while.
Peace
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Only when it is over
As stated in a previous post, I will be unemployed at the end of August. That may not be actually true. I could have another job by then.
In preparation for the day that my role as camp director comes to an end, I am forced start thinking about how it will end. I firmly believe that camp will be great this summer. Although, camp is great every summer. The major difference is that this will be our last. Yet, it is still camp. Our campers deserve camp. Our staff deserve camp.
I feel like we should let the members of our camp community know that this will be our last summer. I feel that it is important for them to search their feelings and memories for anything from camp. They may or may not have a connect to camp. It doesn't mean they should not be told. Now, my boss feels that this may turn people off from coming to camp. Also, he states "What about the people that don't care about the camp community? Why should we tell them?" I don't know those people but I am sure they exist. I am also sure that there are people, former campers, that care about the community and may not have heard the news yet. He wants to wait until campers have arrived at camp to tell them. I am not a big fan of this plan.
I love camp and I love what camp gives to campers and staff. We form a community for 10 weeks every summer. Good or no so good summers are still our summers to remember, laugh, cry, and enjoy for years to come. By not being allowed to share this important piece of information with past campers, I feel like I am holding back from a community that I love. If the other two departments can share this news, why can't I?
Phew. I wanted to get that off my chest.
This transition from camp to no camp is going to be difficult. I don't have all the answers for camp or myself. I promise that I will always to true to myself and fight to be true to camp.
Peace.
In preparation for the day that my role as camp director comes to an end, I am forced start thinking about how it will end. I firmly believe that camp will be great this summer. Although, camp is great every summer. The major difference is that this will be our last. Yet, it is still camp. Our campers deserve camp. Our staff deserve camp.
I feel like we should let the members of our camp community know that this will be our last summer. I feel that it is important for them to search their feelings and memories for anything from camp. They may or may not have a connect to camp. It doesn't mean they should not be told. Now, my boss feels that this may turn people off from coming to camp. Also, he states "What about the people that don't care about the camp community? Why should we tell them?" I don't know those people but I am sure they exist. I am also sure that there are people, former campers, that care about the community and may not have heard the news yet. He wants to wait until campers have arrived at camp to tell them. I am not a big fan of this plan.
I love camp and I love what camp gives to campers and staff. We form a community for 10 weeks every summer. Good or no so good summers are still our summers to remember, laugh, cry, and enjoy for years to come. By not being allowed to share this important piece of information with past campers, I feel like I am holding back from a community that I love. If the other two departments can share this news, why can't I?
Phew. I wanted to get that off my chest.
This transition from camp to no camp is going to be difficult. I don't have all the answers for camp or myself. I promise that I will always to true to myself and fight to be true to camp.
Peace.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday Monday
Chillin' in New Hampshire has a whole new ring to it during the winter. It was a warmish day but the cold is returning.
I believe that blog are suppose to be an account of ones day or certain goings on in one's life. My life is somewhat upside down and a little inside out. For example, my job will be ending on August 31st. Unlike a lot of people I have some time to figure things out. Although, there is this rather large cloud hanging over me about the idea of not having a job. Sure, I could possibly go back to school. Maybe I could be a bartender again. I really have no idea.
In a lot of ways, this is somewhat exciting for me. I have no idea what the fall will look like for me and in some ways it feels very liberating. In the real world, I am somewhat nervous. No definite pay check, no health insurance, no dental insurance, and no camp. In the not so real world, I have options and multiple paths I could follow.
One constant in my life is my Sweetie. I love her. Things have not necessarily been easy for us but I hope she knows I am there for her. I will do what I can. It is my hope that we will have our family.
That's all that I have tonight. I am working on long range plans. No set plans yet.
Peace
I believe that blog are suppose to be an account of ones day or certain goings on in one's life. My life is somewhat upside down and a little inside out. For example, my job will be ending on August 31st. Unlike a lot of people I have some time to figure things out. Although, there is this rather large cloud hanging over me about the idea of not having a job. Sure, I could possibly go back to school. Maybe I could be a bartender again. I really have no idea.
In a lot of ways, this is somewhat exciting for me. I have no idea what the fall will look like for me and in some ways it feels very liberating. In the real world, I am somewhat nervous. No definite pay check, no health insurance, no dental insurance, and no camp. In the not so real world, I have options and multiple paths I could follow.
One constant in my life is my Sweetie. I love her. Things have not necessarily been easy for us but I hope she knows I am there for her. I will do what I can. It is my hope that we will have our family.
That's all that I have tonight. I am working on long range plans. No set plans yet.
Peace
Friday, January 30, 2009
First Time Blogging
As the title states, this is my first time blogging. My sweetie has been blogging for a while so I thought that I would give it a shot. Besides, it is 2009, nation is full of hope, and I got a new to me car the other day.
I feel like I should write something deep and meaningful. Unfortunately, I got nothing right now. Actually, that is not necessarily true. I have a wonderful woman in my life, a crazy cat, and I am currently employed. All of these things are deep and meaningful.
I think that this blog will be about life as a African American Male in New Hampshire. Contrary to popular belief, there are black people in New Hampshire. I live in a small town New Hampshire. I am not the only one but at times it feels like it.
Now, I will not always write about being black or being in New Hampshire. It will primary be about life. My life, my thoughts, my personal journey through what I like to call "STUFF."
Stuff is what we deal with everyday. Work, play, home, and more work are the contents of the "stuff."
I am personally interested in seeing where this blog leads me. 2009 has already started off with a bang and it is just the end of January.
Peace
I feel like I should write something deep and meaningful. Unfortunately, I got nothing right now. Actually, that is not necessarily true. I have a wonderful woman in my life, a crazy cat, and I am currently employed. All of these things are deep and meaningful.
I think that this blog will be about life as a African American Male in New Hampshire. Contrary to popular belief, there are black people in New Hampshire. I live in a small town New Hampshire. I am not the only one but at times it feels like it.
Now, I will not always write about being black or being in New Hampshire. It will primary be about life. My life, my thoughts, my personal journey through what I like to call "STUFF."
Stuff is what we deal with everyday. Work, play, home, and more work are the contents of the "stuff."
I am personally interested in seeing where this blog leads me. 2009 has already started off with a bang and it is just the end of January.
Peace
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